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The TBC Conspiracy Continues: “Women, Stay Hidden!” WTF?!

June 22, 2010

Lawd have mercy.  Thanks to a fellow BB&W member I watched a You Tube video that made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.  There’s a whole lot of mouth-farting going on, but here’s the highlight: this “minister” says it’s the woman’s responsibility to “stay hidden,” and thus, online dating will never reap you a godly husband:

Now, this burns me up.  Deborrah Cooper caught a lot of hell over her now-(in)famous post on how the Traditional Black Church is conspiring to keep black women single and lonely.  Apparently she got some really ugly emails from some so-called Christians who dubbed her the anti-christ.  Come on, people!  Time to rise up and call it was it is!  Completesackofshit!  Say it with me!  Completesackofshit!

God bless you, every one. 🙂

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59 Comments leave one →
  1. June 22, 2010 10:58 am

    Completesackofshit!

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 22, 2010 11:01 am

      And again!!

      • Janice Rhoshalle permalink
        June 22, 2010 4:24 pm

        completesackofbullshit bullshit bullshit!

    • June 22, 2010 11:12 am

      Be hidden? If I as a woman stays hidden, you ain’t gonna find me. This is dumb and religious manipulation. If we took every “He” in the Bible literally this ignorant, word twisting weirdo would be out of business. Then he says a best a woman can give to a man is pussy? What the H#ll! Guess what, the best a man can give me is ding-a-ling…now how does that sound? This young boy needs to go sit down and shut up!

  2. BlkQueenBee permalink
    June 22, 2010 11:08 am

    What a dope!

    That is the most convoluted logic I’ve seen used in a long, long time.

    “The banality of evil” comes to mind when I listen to this. This is intended as merely another way to keep women submissive to men, men’s desires and men’s actions, draped with religious window-dressing.

    I don’t know which scenario is worse – whether he really, really believes this, and thinks he’s actually helping, OR, whether he knows what he is sermonizing here is just a male fantasy that he would like women to subjugate themselves to, under the guise of piety.

    Incredible, really.

  3. Misty permalink
    June 22, 2010 11:12 am

    Hm… in a way I can understand. I’m sure there are traces of sexist traditional ideas here but don’t you think its better to find a significant other when you aren’t even looking?

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 22, 2010 11:17 am

      Misty, that is not what this man is preaching. As I understand it, he is saying that women should sit passively as wait (and wait and wait) for their husband to magically appear on a flying carpet with fairy dust and heavenly music playing softly in the background. Does that REALLY sound like good advice?

    • Aaron St. Juste permalink
      June 22, 2010 12:31 pm

      Misty, I think that if you do find a significant then on some level you were looking. Maybe you aren’t prepared for it or actively looking, but for the relationship to occur you have to be open to it. To be open is to be looking I think… just not hard. LOL
      Maybe it’s just semantics, but rest assured that this video was shullbit!

    • Hodan permalink
      June 23, 2010 12:47 pm

      I think this video, which I regret watching and wasting my precious time is preaching the same old patriarchal religious dogma the likes of the Taliban (only the Christian version of it). So, if black women are ‘hidden,’ what are these black men doing? Its absurd to assume in our world today, where almost 59% of the job market consists of women, many of them women of color of all educational and life style experiences that we would not be finding our mates on public forums/places.

      I’ve never looked for or chased men, but that hasn’t stopped me from living my life and going out to various places where men do approach me. His argument doesn’t make sense at all. Unless he’s envisioning a world where women are locked up in their homes….in that case wrong culture and century.

  4. MissParker permalink
    June 22, 2010 11:16 am

    You’re right! WTH is this guy talking about? It’s great to share nonsense like this but you may be giving him publicity he does not need! LOL!

  5. Bunny77 permalink
    June 22, 2010 11:22 am

    Misty :
    Hm… in a way I can understand. I’m sure there are traces of sexist traditional ideas here but don’t you think its better to find a significant other when you aren’t even looking?

    Not necessarily. Most cultures that strongly emphasize marriage do NOT follow this idea. They are actively involved in matchmaking and use parents, churches and folks in the community to bring young people together for marriage.

    While that method can have its flaws as well, I believe that this method is a lot more honest, truthful and effective. In many groups, including some Christian ones, this entire concept would be extremely foreign.

    I find it interesting that many black Christians (and some white Protestant Christians) have adopted an idea that comes more from Hollywood and fantasy than from God or the Bible. The idea that, “you’ll find a mate when you’re not looking,” comes straight from Hollywood Scriptwriting 101. There is nothing necessarily Biblical about it.

    In the Bible, marriage is usually a community-oriented and purposeful endeavor.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 22, 2010 11:27 am

      Co-signing, Bunny. This guy is selling, Wait for your prince to come flying down from the heavens adorned in fairy dust with gospel music softly playing in the background. Too bad so many women are buying this snake oil.

  6. Bunny77 permalink
    June 22, 2010 11:34 am

    In many groups, including some Christian ones, this entire concept would be extremely foreign.

    Quoting myself because I wanted to make sure I was totally clear.

    What I mean by this is that in the groups in which people marry regularly and usually at a certain age (say, no later than late 20s), this concept of being “hidden” or “waiting” or “hoping to find someone when you least expect it” would be completely foreign. Talk to some Indian folks about how they approach marriage. Or some Jews. Mormons too. Not saying I agree with every single thing that these groups do, but their guidelines for courtship and marriage are usually well-defined and don’t allow for any foolishness.

    Now, you could be going about your daily business and meet your future husband. That’s a good thing! But this message gets ridiculous when you’ve got women in their 30s and 40s still waiting to meet someone when they least expect it.

    I know that in my personal experience, the “least expected” men turned out to be the worst. The man I ended up with (yes, through a mechanism that involved matching singles) was someone I looked for.

  7. MadamCJCPA permalink
    June 22, 2010 11:43 am

    This fool has not referenced a dictionary apparently. FIND 1. discover by chance or effort. 2. become aware of. 3. succeed in obtaining. 4. seek out and provide or supply. 5. (Law) to decide or declare 6. reach by a natural or normal process.

    No one will FIND you if you remain HIDDEN at home alone. I’ll give him the point on avoid the clubs and bars to find a quality mate. However, one must be AVAILABLE within a context to be FOUND: be it at an art gallery, wine tasting, musuems, church (although I wouldn’t hold my breath on this one), etc. Listening to this man reminded me of the joke about God providing, but the person not knowing and realizing that they TOO must help themselves.

    A town is on the verge of flooding and people are told to vacate. A old man (or woman) refuses to leave on the basis that God will provide a way for them to survive. A truck comes by to pick-up any stragglers left behind the man refuses stating, “that God will provide a way.” The water starts to rise and boat comes by to pick-up the old man, and still he refuses stating, “God will provide a way.” The water continues to rise and now the old man is trapped on his roof, and a helicopter comes by to rescue him and he refuses AGAIN stating, “God will provide a way.” Of course the old man drowns and when he reaches heaven he asks, “God why didn’t he provide a way?” God responds, “what are you talking about I sent you the truck, the boat, and the helicopter.”

  8. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    June 22, 2010 11:51 am

    MadamCJCPA :

    This fool has not referenced a dictionary apparently. FIND 1. discover by chance or effort. 2. become aware of. 3. succeed in obtaining. 4. seek out and provide or supply. 5. (Law) to decide or declare 6. reach by a natural or normal process.

    No one will FIND you if you remain HIDDEN at home alone. I’ll give him the point on avoid the clubs and bars to find a quality mate. However, one must be AVAILABLE within a context to be FOUND: be it at an art gallery, wine tasting, musuems, church (although I wouldn’t hold my breath on this one), etc. Listening to this man reminded me of the joke about God providing, but the person not knowing and realizing that they TOO must help themselves.

    A town is on the verge of flooding and people are told to vacate. A old man (or woman) refuses to leave on the basis that God will provide a way for them to survive. A truck comes by to pick-up any stragglers left behind the man refuses stating, “that God will provide a way.” The water starts to rise and boat comes by to pick-up the old man, and still he refuses stating, “God will provide a way.” The water continues to rise and now the old man is trapped on his roof, and a helicopter comes by to rescue him and he refuses AGAIN stating, “God will provide a way.” Of course the old man drowns and when he reaches heaven he asks, “God why didn’t he provide a way?” God responds, “what are you talking about I sent you the truck, the boat, and the helicopter.”

    EXACTLY!

    • Janice Rhoshalle permalink
      June 22, 2010 4:23 pm

      Madam CJSPA…I agree with you to a point. I think “the place” a person meets is irrelevant. Yes, you can meet jerks at bars and clubs, but you can also find your soul mate while you’re getting your groove on. I know a couple who met at a club years ago and they’ve been happily married for nearly twenty years and have two wonderfully productive and sane children. And they’re not my only example…just the one’s I’ve known the longest.

      Truth be told, I’ve met my share of sleaze balls in the church — one who I had been dating for several months assaulted me when I told him I would not have sex with him. Wonder if the Pastor Ken has a word on that.

      If it is indeed true, and I believe that it is, that the Lord helps those who help themselves, then ladies, help yourself to some online dating. Sure, you may go out with some stupid jerks, but you can run into that at the supermarket, at the gas station or anywhere else. It’s not WHERE you meet a man that determines the QUALITY of said man…and I don’t think the Lord’s gonna be mad at you. Wasn’t it Jesus who said…Seek, and ye shall find? I’m just sayin’…

      • MadamCJCPA permalink
        June 22, 2010 9:07 pm

        You’re right Janice it is possible to get lucky and meet a quality mate; however, the odds aren’t in most women’s favor.
        The “playa” mentality has cast its net far and wide and ensnared many a man into going to these places for nothing more than another conquest. My single girlfriends lament this to those of us that are married and/or committed everytime we talk or get together for a girl’s night out.
        I’ve suggested the online dating thing to one, but she is stubborn. She had ONE bad online dating experience and she’s written it off for good.

  9. SassyJ permalink
    June 22, 2010 11:56 am

    Female. WTH…youngblood, I’m a woman, lady, dame, mother of the earth, queen.

    Sorry, personal pet peeve of mine! LOL

    • itsmeagain permalink
      June 24, 2010 12:01 am

      Ugh. I thought I was the only one. It’s sad that so many men (and women) actually believe that it’s correct to use the word “female” to refer to a woman or women. For shame. Oh, and I’ve finally come out of lurking! =D

  10. Aaron St. Juste permalink
    June 22, 2010 12:17 pm

    Completesackofshit!

    This has been a nonsensical diatribe. “He” and “Find.” Two obscure words in the labyrinth that is the bible would now relegate women to a self imposed witness protection program if John B. Literal here had his way. I’m sure he takes shots of Christ blood type O on the weekends too.

    This is one of the issues I have with the ambiguity of that text being “made clear” by just about anyone with an opinion.

    Regarding his one valid point that you increase your likelihood of meeting an Australian in Australia, or an inmate in prison, or a clown at the circus… no shyt! Still, I’m sure somewhere someone is happily married because they met a non Australian in Australia, a non inmate in a prison, and an unpainted face at the circus. There is no rhyme and reason to how people ultimately meet, and exposure is the only way to increase the likelihood of meeting the right person for you male or female. Complete Garbage!

  11. Browncow permalink
    June 22, 2010 12:18 pm

    I just couldn’t bring myself to watch it. I can’t stand bullsh*t so I’ve decided to just let it be. I can glean from the comments what was said in the video. I don’t have to waste 10 minutes of my life watching some man who is more than likely not having any dating problems give advice about dating to women he wants to stay hidden so he can have his harem. No thank you. Thanks to all of you who endured watching this crap.

  12. June 22, 2010 12:40 pm

    I’m glad I stopped listening to the bulsh*t years ago(i didn’t bother watch it)! Online dating is one of the best places to meet men, so screw him! Infact more bw are getting married because of online dating. There’s a special place in hell for these guys. I ain’t even worried about them.

  13. Mabel permalink
    June 22, 2010 12:41 pm

    I must say this video had me laughing a lot. He said a lot, but really said nothing at all. The being hidden thing, I really don’t understand it..is he saying a woman needs to have a certain mystery about her that makes her intriguing or does he mean physically being hidden and waiting to be found? I think he has interpreted the verse too literally. When that verse was written matchmaking and marriage contracts between families were de rigeur, so no man was finding anything, as most of the marriages were arranged. This is why all pastors should attend an accredited theology school, it will give them the historical and cultural perspective of the time period.

    At the end of the booked of Proverbs a description of the qualities that make a good wife is given in detail, this is what the ‘find’ is about..if a man happens to find a woman with those qualities this is where he has found a good thing. Although both verses are written in separate chapters they are tied together.

    It’s just too easy to become a pastor, reverend, evangelist, prophet, bishop or whatever other titles are doled out in the name of Christianity.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 22, 2010 5:21 pm

      I totally agree with you Mabel. Church folks had our Minister titles like prizes in a Kracker Jack box.

  14. Aaron St. Juste permalink
    June 22, 2010 1:05 pm

    Another thought though. I don’t quite know if the “black church” is complicit in this. Maybe it’s just churches in general… religion in general? Doctrine isn’t really the go to source if you’re looking for sentiments to empower women if we’re honest about it. The difference is the degree to which the church plays a role in our communities, and the church is big for my folk as a whole.

  15. David Wise permalink
    June 22, 2010 1:49 pm

    I don’t relate to any of this.

  16. beautifulbrown permalink
    June 22, 2010 3:00 pm

    well there is a scripture in the bible that goes seek and he shall find, knock and it shall be open unto you.. all of what he is saying is mumbo jumbo and plain old bullshit.. i am pretty sure if you go out date out and seek and pray i am pretty sure you will find a good man.. aint no use sitting around waiting. if you want something then you gotta go get it..

  17. Marie permalink
    June 22, 2010 3:08 pm

    You gotta me kidding me with this bullshit! I couldn’t even watch the whole thing because it was making my head hurt! I actually found my man online, and we’ve been together almost 7 years; so much for staying hidden. What a crock! Sorry I have nothing positive to add to the thread, but I feel like I lost IQ points watching that nonsense. I hope he isn’t able to influence too many people.

    • BlkQueenBee permalink
      June 22, 2010 3:49 pm

      Yes, that begs the question of just how many women will watch a video clip like this and think, “Yeah, that sounds right. That’s what I’m going to do.”

      Your first take on that might be that very few women, if any, would take seriously what this guy is saying, but, you know, there are a lot of people in this world, and some of them have exactly the same intellectual ability that a cocker spaniel does. You have to shudder thinking that someone (or maybe a whole bunch of someones) is going to consider this to be “wisdom”.

  18. June 22, 2010 4:06 pm

    I only watched about a minute of the video. Reminds of something Mom said to me once awhile ago. I was telling her about some guy at my university that I was interested in(I’ve graduated since then). She turns around and says “It’s he who seeks a wife, not she who seeks a husband.” I just looked at her crazy, because I am in early twenties and am not trying to marry anyone. I’m still confused as to why she would say that, knowing that I’m only interested in dating casually right now. My mom is very religious and can be quite conservative on somethings. I try to just let her speak her piece and ignore the advice that is obviously bad.

  19. Spring permalink
    June 22, 2010 4:21 pm

    lol…I would be curious to know his thoughts about the way Naomi counseled Ruth to meet Boaz….. she definitely wasn’t hidden

    • June 22, 2010 11:37 pm

      I would agree with you that Ruth was not “hidden” and she still was a Godly woman. I believe that he missed the point of the Proverb 31 woman. He may not have read the bible fully to get an understanding of what “hidden in God” means.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 23, 2010 7:47 pm

      Hey, don’t I know you? *wink wink*

  20. Hannah permalink
    June 22, 2010 5:30 pm

    Completesackofshit! I guess he never heard of the Jewish matchmaker. How will they know to hook you up if you’re so hidden? So, marriage should just be something that benefits the man and not both man and woman. By the sound of him (and I only could get through 2 minutes), a woman should just let marriage happen to her. Well, I have something else to say to that but it’ll be x-rated expetives.

  21. Ciderkiss permalink
    June 22, 2010 6:05 pm

    Crock-of-shit!

  22. A.C. permalink
    June 22, 2010 6:12 pm

    “I feel like I lost IQ points watching that nonsense. I hope he isn’t able to influence too many people”. How right you are Marie! When I was listening to it, thank goodness I had some interesting music blasting in the background, so I was able to tune out the Shibullt. Anyway. This guy did not do much research, neither did he apply his so-called research to his so-called informative speech. This was just a personal rant aimed at online dating and keeping women from observing their right to choose freely. The only “good” thing from this speech was that women ought to choose carefully who they date. I am not discounting clubs or online dating as possible places to meet a quality mate, but there are more places than the aforementioned where one can indeed meet a quality mate. Thus showing that his research was stereotyped and banal. Anyway, I better stop now before I begin to sound like that dude… take care!

  23. boomer babe permalink
    June 22, 2010 7:06 pm

    Even though I think he was a little out of line, or maybe alot, what I get from his speech is that women may come across a little desperate sometimes. I think the man finds a wife; I really do;) being ‘hidden’ is being into hobbies, other things that are out there, not going to bed with your boyfriends (hard, i know)Do you ask your husband to MARRY YOU? or does he get down on one knee and propose. They come to us and it’s up to women to feel men out, and not get physical, because we have the pitocin hormone that attracts us to them, even if they’re bums-my mom told me years ago ‘don’t let a man outhink you’ you don’t have to either

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 22, 2010 7:37 pm

      Boomer, why does it have to go to those extremes? (Hidden under a burka or some sexpot who sleeps with everything with a penis?). And respectfully, I have to take pause with you putting the burden of chastity upon the shoulders of the woman, and once again, giving men free reign over all. Seeking a mate online doesn’t equate to a woman being desperate, frankly, I think it shows how smart she is. I met my husband online; he didn’t see me as desperate. We are both non-denominational Christians–equally yoked, and very, very happy. The purpose of this blog and the book is to (hopefully) free black women of this mindset that they must “hold the torch,” and passively wait (and wait and wait) for her life mate is doing a disservice to us. So much of the TBC is looking out for the men, but who is looking out, and caring about us “torch-bearers?”

  24. boomer babe permalink
    June 22, 2010 7:12 pm

    I don’t think we should be locked away though, we do need to be around men for them to find us; about Ruth and Boaz,- Boaz was close to Ruth thru Naomi–she was actually ‘hidden’ It’s something to do with femininity

    • Spring permalink
      June 23, 2010 3:48 pm

      Naomi sent Ruth across Boaz’s path and gave her further counsel to get his attention. The passage doesn’t say she was ‘hidden’ and it was Naomi and Ruth that were in pursuit, then Boaz made a choice after Ruth slept under his garment. There were 2 equally engaged individuals that led to their marriage. I think the pastor in the video would cringe if he truly considered the risque and bold advice given to Ruth.

  25. Becca permalink
    June 22, 2010 8:12 pm

    Dude, Completesackofshit! First of all, a woman has much more to offer to a man than her physical body…why did he even mention that? I mean, a man can offer a long-term commitment, but a woman can basically offer jack sh%t if it’s not sexual? This guy’s message reeks of sexism, in my opinion. And come on, I’m not a pastor or religious authority, but I’m pretty sure the bible gives plenty of examples of seeking and finding. I mean, God gave us free will for a reason. How else are we supposed to discern who is a quality mate and who isn’t? Oh, and I love how he said that this video is for single ladies (and singles in general) but then he talks about how only women need to be the ones to stay hidden. Yeah, so that they don’t discover that the man they’re into has another woman on the side? Please.

    *sigh* I guess I’m becoming a bit cynical when it comes to stuff/advice like this guy is spewing.

    SMH. I hope that there aren’t too many single women listening to this crap, though, based off of the YouTube comments, it seems like there are.

  26. June 22, 2010 8:35 pm

    Bullshit!! COMPLETESACKOFSHIT!!!! How’s that for ya. SO glad I am not a christian.. sad shame..

    • Janice Rhoshalle permalink
      June 22, 2010 9:30 pm

      It’s too bad idiots like these sully the Christian faith. Unfortunately there are too many like him in all faiths which have turned most people away from organized religion…and from God.

  27. June 22, 2010 11:30 pm

    First let me talk about the things I agree with:
    1. For Christians, it is important to find a mate that shares your religious beliefs and practices. He is right when he talks about a christian woman needs to be with man who has similar interest.
    2. Going to the club or bars are not usually the places Christians frequent. So if that’s what a single woman is looking for then she will not find him in those places
    3. There is nothing wrong with praying for a man.. We pray for money to pay the bills or when we need something and want some divine intervention.
    4. I agree that too many women do blame other’s for their choices. ie.. I always find losers. Well, if you always attract scum and losers then that does say a whole lot about the woman, how she views herself and her selection in male character
    5. Women who are lonely and desperate will offer up their bodies in hopes of snagging the guy or keeping him around. And we all know that most men will not refuse
    Things I don’t agree with:
    1. Hidding is complete stupidity. (even though I think his word choice “hidding” is not appropriate here)
    2. Lots of churches have singles groups. Does he consider that putting ones self on display?
    3. I noticed a ring on his finger. I don’t know how long he has been married but as a single gal a pet peeve of mine is people who have been married for a long time (off the dating market for years) don’t have a clue about being single anymore. So they dispense all these advice that are such B.S. it make me and my single friends cringe.
    4. Most churches (which this blog has addressed previously) does not have enough eligible single christian men. So if we women were to hide… then we are surely screwed.
    5. Praying is good but one pastor said that God is not going to bring everything to someone when you can get up and do something for yourself as well. So his arguement that God will drop a good christian man in your lap by hiding is complete nonsense.
    6. Maybe I should send him a link to my blog that talks about the true issues of single christian women 🙂

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 23, 2010 8:49 am

      And while you’re at it, send us the link too!

  28. June 23, 2010 12:17 am

    I know a gay man when I see one, and this dude is gay as all outdoors. Secondly the stuff he talks is the stuff women hear which keeps them in chains of second class sertivude to men.

  29. June 23, 2010 11:41 am

    All from Strong’s concordance taken from the Hebrew word “findeth”

    1) to find, attain to

    a) (Qal)

    1) to find

    a) to find, secure, acquire, get (thing sought)

    b) to find (what is lost)

    c) to meet, encounter

    d) to find (a condition)

    e) to learn, devise

    2) to find out

    a) to find out

    b) to detect

    c) to guess

    3) to come upon, light upon

    a) to happen upon, meet, fall in with

    b) to hit

    c) to befall

    He needs to go to seminary. Meanwhile I will order packages online and wait for the single FedEx and UPS men to knock on my door.

  30. anab permalink
    June 24, 2010 2:02 pm

    I’m sorry but did I just get punked? Because I swear this was a joke. While I do agree that women sometimes come off as desperate and need to figure out themselves and set their own standards before they go of in search of a mate, the idea of being “hidden” is a joke. Really, it is. I am so sick of these Victorian ideas of womanhood being forced on us,you have to be hidden, chaste, Godly, passive…to get a man.WTF!

  31. Rodena Barr permalink
    June 24, 2010 4:16 pm

    WOW…I seriously can’t believe this is real. On second thought, actually, I can. One of the reasons that I have liberated myself from the rediculous thought that we, as black women, should wait patietly (and according to this guy, be hidden) for our black knight. I love that you can find interesting things on youtube, but I’m hating on it a bit today for being a vessel for fools like this to spead bullshit and call it a message. I pity the women who watch this and actually think that it makes any type of sense…I seriously cringed and could only make it through half of that nonsense….

  32. June 24, 2010 5:50 pm

    I met my fiance at a bar. I was sitting on a pub stool, with a beer, in a very tiny miniskirt, at 11 o’clock on a Wednesday night. I wasn’t hidden or meek. I didn’t have to hide my education, income or use little words. No, he didn’t propose on his knees. He was sitting next to me on the couch next to me, 11 months after we met. He pulled out the very ring I’d emailed him when he asked what sort of ring I might like. He even went to my Daddy to get his blessing. No, it wasn’t a fairy tale, but it’s our story and I wouldn’t trade it. And you know what? I had even slept with him! And other people, too! I was 27 for crissakes. I didn’t even wait 3 months so EFF you Steve Harvey; I am not rationing any cookies here. When a man wants you and wants to be married and wants to be married to you, nothing will stop him. Not his family yours, money, EVEN the fact that you aren’t a virgin, GASP. Sometimes I feel like these church people live on another planet.

    Black women are being blatantly lied to and left out of vital female information loops. I have a rainbow of girlfriends from hs, college, grad school and all the other social groups I’ve been in. Bottom line, most of my non-black gfs are getting married in droves. DROVES I tell you and NONE of the them are virgins or anywhere close to perfect. Those sad and desperate girls from Nightline WERE telling the truth. NONE of my non-black engaged/married pals are meek, or pray all damn day long, or cook 5 course meals and they are STILL pairing off. And not all of them are skinny bc I have been to several weddings of pudgy white girls in their 20s.

    Other middle class groups, upper middle class black too, to a lesser extent, still have structures, whether social or religious or cultural and what have you, to get their young folks paired up and married of by early 30s. American black folks do NOT have that. Of course, there some hold-outs and outliers, but the overwhelmingly majority of others are not finding it so hard to pair off and marry. Anyone with a large (NYC doesn’t count bc people marry way later in the big cities)diverse, multiracial, educated middle-class group of pals can attest to this. Check out Style Me Pretty and The Knot… everyday! The truth is that 100% of black women could all be a size 6, use little words, not ever talk back, not wear weaves, blahblahblah, basically be Stepford Wives/Barbies and many of us still could not find a brotha to marry. Why? MOST BLACK MEN DO NOT WANT TO MARRY (US). Not even when they have impregnated us, maybe especially if they have. You can take the (us) or leave it based on your own experiences. For whatever reason (slavery, the evil white man, black love, Roots, Denzel, the Obamas), masses of black women cannot just accept this reality, deal and move on. You can complain about black women’s bad choices in this, but most black women are simply choosing from the limited pool of men around them BECAUSE of faulty info like this “minister”.

    p.s. This guy has DEFINITELY NOT been to any damn seminary. Show me the GED!

  33. lafemmenoir permalink
    June 24, 2010 11:43 pm

    Now that it has been revealed that that TBC has played a role in keeping BW single or out of the loop, what are women going to do about it?

    Also, I have to say that some women seem like they are fighting against this perhaps because of conditioning. Although painful, it is a reality.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 25, 2010 12:19 am

      Good question. I think it’s time to become more spiritual and less religious.

  34. anon permalink
    June 25, 2010 8:02 am

    WOW I can’t belive what I just heard THIS.IS.LUNACY! First of all who is listening to this man? He looks about 12! How much real life experience does he actually have and he barely looks educated! People need to know what qualifications preachers like this have before they blindly follow their “advice” his quotation of scripture was so weak it was embarrasing.
    I feel sorry for his congregation; they will remain single and alone forever! I knew there were pastors preaching this explicitly but never have I actually heard it so blatant like that -its usely more subtle. Women leave this church IMMEDIATELY!

    • Bunny77 permalink
      June 25, 2010 9:27 am

      anon :
      WOW I can’t belive what I just heard THIS.IS.LUNACY! First of all who is listening to this man? He looks about 12! How much real life experience does he actually have and he barely looks educated! People need to know what qualifications preachers like this have before they blindly follow their “advice” his quotation of scripture was so weak it was embarrasing.

      That last sentence there is right on the money. There is no Biblical scripture that commands a woman to “be hidden.” His argument is based on the idea that for a man to “find” (as in Proverbs 18:22), a woman must “hide.” That’s a MAJOR stretch… and dare I say, a misinterpretation of Proverbs 18:22 in the first place!

      Any preacher with actual seminary training and theological study would not be teaching this message or use that scripture to promote the idea of so-called spiritual “hiding.” God NEVER speaks of this when marriage is being discussed in the Bible.

  35. June 29, 2010 9:30 am

    Women need to have their own relationship with God, after Jesus Christ said it is finished, he gave up the spirit and the veil of partition between man and God was broken, you have three personalities speaking to you. God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, Jesus is the manifestation of God and the Holy Ghost is the mind of God. All those three work in union. Christian dating websites are set up, so that people of similar beliefs could be matched.

    Ruth was not hidden, she went to the thrashing floor where Boaz was, Esther was not hidden, hence she went to speak to the King on several times.

    Some of these pastors are very ignorant and they really have not studied the bible probably, it is the same rubbish they use when they said wait on the Lord, “Wait on the Lord”, means you confess the word of God over your situation. You confess the word of God, while you are setting up your vision board, what your husband will be like, what characteristics he will have and you confess the word and thank God constantly, when you go out to the supermarket, library, bank etc, you confess the word of God, if the Holy Ghost leads you Christian dating site, he is already setting you up to meet your husband.

    Listen to what the Holy Spirit says, not man and even pastors can talk you out of your blessing!

  36. Tiffany permalink
    July 4, 2010 12:20 pm

    Where do I begin? I had avoided this video for a while for the same reasons that many did, but I was surprised to see that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I was reminded of it today because my girl friend was talking some nonsense about not wanting to call a guy she liked because it wasn’t biblical.
    There were a lot of wrong, nonsensical, and contradictory things said. For example, he DOES say that he doesn’t mean physically hiding. He said that in a video response to Deborah Cooper as well. But then at the end of this video he had that whole scene with staying home from the club to read the Bible and fast. (Which there is nothing wrong with, but is contradictory to him saying he didn’t mean physically hiding.)
    I think he used poor word choice in the first place. He shouldn’t have used “hidden”. What I take from it is to be conscious of the things that you engage in, because with the hobbies you partake in, there are certain types of people you’ll run across.
    I think really he just meant staying in the Word of God and followng Christ will lead you to people more worthwhile (spiritually hidden). I’m not talking about the kind of people who go to every single ministry in church, and are at church 5 days of the week, and that’s the only place you go. I can be spiritually hidden without being physically hidden. For example, when I was in college, apparently there were a lot of guys interested in me, but my friend told some of these guys to not even bother stepping to me if they weren’t down with God. Now that saved me and them a lot of time that could have been wasted otherwise, had they not known what I was about.
    I hope I’m making sense. What I got from this is to be conscious of what you’re involved in because it reaps those kinds of people, and if you’re in Christ, someone else who is also in Him will work that hard to catch your interest.

    Here’s the link to his recent video response to Deborah Cooper:

    • Christelyn permalink*
      July 5, 2010 1:03 am

      Thanks for adding the video. He seems like an OK guy, but he might want to go to seminary school.

  37. Spring permalink
    July 6, 2010 3:16 pm

    Thanks for the video Tiffany. Even though he’s responding and saying that he’s reaching out to those who’ve rebutted his video, he says that he stands by his original video in which I believe he is telling women that it is wrong to pursue or initiate…. he has misinterpreted the scripture that says “a man who finds a wife” to mean it is wrong for women to be on dating sites etc. It’s interesting that he doesn’t see that passage as saying that God blesses marriage and that having a wife is good.

    But I so agree with you about using wisdom and being careful in seeking a mate. That’s so important for men and women.

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