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Janice on, “Where in the World?” The Best (and worst) Places to Have an Interracial Relationship

June 27, 2010

The Best and Worst Places to Get Your Swirl On

Living on the West Coast with all its liberal ideals and live-and-let-live attitudes is a great place for interracial and intercultural couples to thrive. Seattle and San Francisco are perpetually on the top of any list that tracks this sort of data – and my hometown, the wonderful City of Angels, is usually in the mix, too.  (Yeah L.A.!)

If you’re swirling, though, it’s probably best to keep your booty out of Detroit, Atlanta, Birmingham or New Orleans which aren’t as embracing of the whole relational melting pot idea.

But did you know Denver, CO and Minneapolis, MN are also hubs where mixed couples and their families flourish? Well, surprise surprise! They are indeed just two of the towns at the top of the most recent poll by Interrace Magazine which has been surveying its readers on the subject for over a decade.

So for those of you who are still in the market for a mate – or couples looking to move away from prying or unwelcoming eyes – here is a highlight of three of those top ten cities that embrace blended couples. Can’t afford to move? Well maybe it’s time you took a trip. (You know you’re so due for a vacation anyway.)

Minneapolis, MN The Twin Cities is not only one of the friendliest to interracial couples, but it’s also one of the fittest. Ranked third in each of two new national surveys—one on physical fitness and one on quality of life, the Minneapolis metropolitan area metro area boasts a high number of people who are involved in regular physical activity or exercise as well as the number of people in excellent or very good health. For those of you job hunting, Minneapolis has a low unemployment rate and loads of available parkland, recreation centers and physical education classes. And with ready access to golf courses, bike and walking paths, park facilities, and dog parks, it makes for a great place note only to live with a mate – but to find one.

San Diego, CA The Southernmost city in the Golden State, San Diego is a city that believes in community as a vital part of one’s quality of life in the region. Continuing its move toward a Clean Generation, the city provides programs offering financial incentives for renewable energy as well as energy efficiency and water conservation improvements by its residents. Already a national leader in solar energy, “green” home improvements in the city will not only has the potential to save money for countless homeowners, but will create jobs for those who live there. It’s a win-win for those who are looking for little economic stability in a city and environmental consciousness to go along with their swirl.

Honolulu, HI The 13th largest city in the nation in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where President Barack Obama once called home is a bastion of culture and art, be it in their museums and concert halls to the urban hubs which have been embraced by the Hollywood television and film communities. Hawaii’s economic base is primarily tourism and the city uses its cultural and artistic diversity to draw visitors into their eclectic ethnic mix that draws on Native Hawaiian traditions as well as the tremendous contributions of the Filipino, Chinese, Portuguese, Scottish, Greek, Okinawan and Samoan communities. Considered one of the world’s top 10 most livable cities, Honolulu has fashioned its culture and arts and a leading factor in building “strong cities (and) strong families for a strong America.” That, and it’s a great place to get lei’d.  Now that sounds like paradise to me.

Now we want to hear from you!  Where are the best (and worst) places (cities, states, counties) that you’d recommend and/or dissuade other interracial couples from migrating to?

ALERT: Karyn Folan and I must have some psychic voodoo magic, because she wrote a very good piece on this subject.  Take a look.

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72 Comments leave one →
  1. June 27, 2010 9:37 pm

    I will go first… Worse place to live as an interracial couple…CHINA… yep.. I think this would be close to the number one worse places to live.. and yes.. I live here.. with my chinese husband..Due to the fact that they have been a closed country for so long.. they are not even use to seeing foreigners in most of the country. So, when you throw in a mixed couple .. of any race.. together.. they kind for are in shock.. but when you mix .. with Chinese locals.. you really get the heat… The worse part would be that they havent learned tack or what is consider rude in the states.. and there are a lot of people with little or no education in the small villiages.. so..it can be very difficult…and your skin has to become very tough.. The good thing is this.. if you can survive as a mixed couple in China… you can survive anywhere….

  2. Janice Rhoshalle permalink
    June 27, 2010 10:02 pm

    Kudos to you for hanging in there. But I’m curious…what kinds of rude or tactless things have you encountered? what’s the heat? I remember my trip to Tokyo…staring was a BIG thing. It was as if they’d never seen a black woman before — and according to my ex-husband’s Japanese colleague, black women were indeed a rare sighting in those parts. No one was particularly rude to me (although, granted, I was only there for 10 days). I found people very accommodating when I attempted to speak Japanese — even when I butchered the hell out of it.

    • June 28, 2010 12:16 am

      Besides the pointing and stare that is a given… they tend to .. question my husband on WHY he would ever want to marry a foreigner … and why one with such dark skin and that is so big…. also.. asked me things like why didnt you marry your own kind? Reach out and pull on my hair or try to touch my skin… and sit us in the front of the resturants so people can stare at us… to draw more customers. Also, our service is usually much slower than others… to the point we need to yell at them. It can be bad… you have to be prepared if you are going to come here.. and be very strong.

      • Janice Rhoshalle permalink
        June 28, 2010 3:06 pm

        You definitely bring up an interesting point that I’m definitely going to get into in this blog about how other cultures see black women. Part of that Pew research poll that came out a few weeks ago highlighted the fact that black women (and black men, too) are least likely to be chosen to marry or date by people of other cultures.

        But your examples are just off the charts! Putting you in front of a restaurant to draw attention…as if you were some kind of circus attraction. Unbelievable! I definitely want to revisit your blog and keep up with what’s going on with you behind the wall. I just find your experiences intriguing…and educational.

      • June 28, 2010 9:18 pm

        Janice, it can be very difficult here.. and they do not seem to understand why I get upset about it. I even had the school I work at… make me hand out flyers in front of the elementary school instead of the other teachers because they knew people would stare and point at me like a tourist attraction to bring them students. Other language schools here have foreign teachers but none have a black american woman..or black anything.. so they figure they would bank on the fact they have the only golden egg… My husband was pissed and bless his heart came to stand out there with me…which I am sure made matters worse…but he didnt approve of me being the animal in the zoo for my school. But that is China…what can you do? I came all the way over here.. to go back in time… makes you really appreciate the civil rights movement and what they achieved back then.

  3. June 27, 2010 10:21 pm

    AZ: Phoenix and the surrounding areas. I have yet to see any issues with interracial couples. Hispanics may have a hard time (watch the news lately?) but no IR couples. In my church I have seen up to 3 IR couples. Most people from AZ are not locals so that may be the issue, every is an import.

  4. Annie permalink
    June 28, 2010 2:32 am

    OK…the title is mentions the world, so why is the article focusing on the US?

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 28, 2010 5:16 am

      Well, we’re starting there, but one of our frequent commenters just chimed in on how life with her husband was living in China.

  5. Ali permalink
    June 28, 2010 3:24 am

    I’m curious about this though – is this areas great for bw/wm couples or bm/ww couples? Because a place that’s great for one might be terrible for another. I’ve heard there are places that are called ‘great for interracial couples’ but the only interracial couples you see there are bm/ww couples and aw/wm couples – that’s certainly WOULD NOT be great for a single black women, looking to move somewhere where she can find love.

    We have to be careful with this one . . . . .

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 28, 2010 5:32 am

      Interesting…any specific areas come to mind, Ali?

    • Janice Rhoshalle permalink
      June 28, 2010 9:54 am

      Ali, are you suggesting that just because areas are good for interracial couples that Asian women and white men or black men and white women that it automatically makes it an unfavorable place for black women looking for her swirl? I’d beg to differ. If couples of other races/cultures are intermingling, it definitely creates a more favorable atmosphere of tolerance for others overall.

      Because Interrace Magazine’s focus is not specifically a black and white thing, you can definitely assume that its readership, from whom the magazine polled for the survey, is also broad racially and culturally. This column is an attempt to highlight areas for exploration for our readers, not definitive places you must go. Each person must decide individually what places are more suitable to them. As it is, I wouldn’t move to Atlanta regardless of its plethora of eligible men (black, white or otherwise). I prefer the West Coast. So it was interesting to me to learn about some of these places on my side of the U.S. If nothing else, these can be great places for women (or men) to check out for vacation, find new job opportunities…and, yes, find a mate.

      We’ve been fortunate that black women have found useful information from this blog, but women and men of other races and cultures have as well…and this column could be of more interest to them. Don’t be too quick to rule out information for all because it might not be suitable for you personally.

  6. Ali permalink
    June 28, 2010 6:08 am

    I’ve never been to deep deep south Alabama, Mississippi, or other places like Michigan – but I hear that these are havens for bm/wf couples. There was a joke chris rock made when he travled to michigan to do a stand-up show. He asked the audience – “Do they hand white women out at the airport here?” and everybody laughed. Apperently all the black women are single, single, single in those places. Again, I’ve never been, but that’s what I’ve heard.

    Also, went to Selena’s site, called ‘dating while brown’, and saw a link about Boston – the black woman wrote that in Boston, there’s very little black/white interracial, but that most of the couples are bm/wf.

    In New York, it feels like most of the black/white couples I see are bw/wm, esp. nowadays. Also a lot of asian male/white female – much much much more than black male/white female – there’s just no comparison. I mean you can see like 3 – 4 of EACH a day. So that would seem to be a big diff. I’m just saying that a place that’s good for one is not nec. good for another.

    It also explains why I was so mystified about what the big ‘panic’ was for some black women online, say like, on Essence magazine website. They kept saying ‘white women are stealing all the black men’ and nonsense like that, and I was like – ‘that doesn’t seem QUITE right – where?’ Also when people say ‘Asian men don’t get dates’ They do in Brooklyn! I see asian guys w/ pretty girls (usually white or asian) all the time. One thing you can say about asian men, they have standards. You never see an asian/indian guy with a fat, sloppy white woman – NEVER. (Unlike black men) If you only know, NY, NJ, and France, as I do . . . .I just have a feeling it’s diff. other places.

    In certain places, like in my church, where all the black women are ‘waiting for their black kings’, the situation is reversed. But outside of BC . . . . . . .no.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 28, 2010 6:38 am

      Thanks is quite an interesting comparison, and part of it rings true from my experiences as well. My family is from South Texas–near Dallas on one side, Houston on the other. I saw plenty of white women with little mixed babies along with their black baby daddies. No one gave that a second look! But, when I went to visit my cousins and passed around a photo album of me and my husband, I heard a lot of snickering. The irony of it was that I heard the snickering from my single, black, baby mamma cousins who had 50-11 kids and never been married. I wonder if in the South you’re dealing with a certain psychology linked to slavery. For a black man in the South, to couple with a white woman must appear to some as a conquest, while seeing a black woman doing the same thing brings back bad memories of white men’s exploitation of black women during slavery. Just a guess, but makes some kind of sense to me…

      • Hodan permalink
        June 28, 2010 10:55 am

        talk about black women destroying themselves. So, they snicker @ you married in a happy and stable relationship, but don’t see their situation where black men used them as a dumping seed pathetic?

        black men whether they are dating black women/white women/etc continue their pattern of cowardly behavior impregnating women and leaving them to raise children on their own….then these same kids grow up terrorizing our neighborhoods. Its like in another blog I was reading, apparently even many Muslim African American men marry women just to sleep with them then divorce them and leave their children behind.

  7. Bunny77 permalink
    June 28, 2010 7:06 am

    Honestly, I don’t necessarily believe in the idea of best and worst places for IR couples… I live in one of the places that was mentioned as “worst,” and I never had a problem dating IR. Yet folks swear that it’s awful if one wants to date IR here.

    While I think that some places might not be as open to it, I think that one can successfully date and marry IR anywhere. At the end of the day, it all depends on the two people involved in the relationship, not where they live.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 28, 2010 7:13 am

      I agree with you to a point, Bunny77, but if you live in an area where your relationship is constantly under attack by outside forces, that venom can infect even the healthiest interracial relationship. I think that location is a key factor in IRR working/not working. But of course, there are exceptions. For example, California is not globally accepting of IRR, despite what some might think. Take a look at the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Hate Map and you’ll see what I mean. Heres’ the link: http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/hate-map

      • Bunny77 permalink
        June 28, 2010 7:23 am

        I agree with that!!! Obviously, if your relationship is under attack in a certain area, then it’s definitely not a good idea to be there!

        I’m thinking more of the idea that some people have that in a certain location, the WM don’t like black women and all the BM want white women. I’ve seen and heard it stated as a fact that WM in Michigan (for example) don’t like black women, when uh, that hasn’t been my experience AND I know other WM in this state who do date BW.

        I also agree with one of the earlier comments (that echoes what you say) about certain places being listed as great for IR, but that might have little to do with BW. It might be based on high numbers of AW/WM, BM/WW, etc… I usually take those lists with a grain of salt for that reason. Just because a lot of IR couples live in a place doesn’t necessarily make it an IR haven.

  8. Bunny77 permalink
    June 28, 2010 7:07 am

    I am in Michigan, by the way. No issues whatsoever dating IR.

  9. Browncow permalink
    June 28, 2010 7:23 am

    Well I live in the same area as Ms. Folan, probably the same city, not sure really. Anyways, the Washington D.C. metro area is very diverse and I generally don’t get any stank eye or crazy comments. Just the occasional person who will stare a little too hard and then I stare back and they stop. Other than that, everybody is cooing at my little guy who flirts shamelessly and well wishes on our next baby (due in October). It’s a good area. Yeah there are little pockets that may be a bit crazy. Like I wouldn’t live in certain places or neighborhoods with my family because of lack of tolerance of my particular pairing. I have a friend who lives in Waldorf, MD and when she and her husband were looking for houses she found that there were a LOT of BW/WM couples. She thought the real estate agent was staging things so they would buy a house there. Then there is Columbia which from what I’ve heard is a haven for BM/WW couples. It’s all relative and I truly believe that in the next 10 years people won’t make such a big deal about BW/non-BM relationships.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 28, 2010 7:31 am

      That’s what we’re all hoping!

  10. BlkQueenBee permalink
    June 28, 2010 8:33 am

    My personal experience for areas accepting of WM-BW relationships is:

    Los Angeles, San Francisco (love San Francisco), Portland (love Portland), Seattle, NYC, Denver, Boulder, – great

    Most places in the Western U.S. and Midwest – by and large they leave you alone, but people do stare and talk, and those people disapproving are white, but they don’t hassle you

    Atlanta – for BW-WM, this is like Hell itself, and people will be very upfront about their disapproval and those people are all black

    Washington, D.C. and Baltimore – very accepting for the most part, except there are pockets of low-income blacks in both cities where you will be confronted by black males, so sort of a mixed bag

    Scotland, Ireland – like heaven for me as an American black woman, although I was there as a single, not part of an IR couple

    Italy, France, Germany – very welcoming, again, was there as a single

    Netherlands – Unreal, one of the places I’d move to if I could

    I have friends of mine that say the Nordic countries (Sweden, Finland, Norway, etc.) are very good for American black women as well, but I’m getting that second-hand.

    I haven’t been anywhere in Asia, Australia/NZ, Africa, Middle East, Latin America, or Russia or any of the Slavic countries in Europe, either as a single or with my significant other. Also have never been to Canada. So, some very large holes in terms of the global picture. I have no idea what things are like for BW-WM couples there, or for that matter, as a single black woman.

    • Browncow permalink
      June 28, 2010 10:47 am

      I co-sign on Scandinavia! DH and I went there 5 years ago for a retreat. We stayed in the Swedish forest and spent the last day and night in Oslo, Norway. It was great. No issues or stares or crappy reactions. Just really friendly down home people. There were a few men looking at my husband like, “lucky”, so I was really pumped up when I came back to the states. As for south of Fredericksburg, we don’t really know. We did have an incident at the Golden Corale (or however you spell it). It was a pwt (poor white trash) guy and his 20 something son. This guy was giving my husband and child the stank eye for real. My family was there and basically shamed him into minding his own business. So we’ve vowed not to go south unless it’s for a Disney vacation. But Europe at least western and southern Europe and Scandinavia, I’ll go back in a heartbeat with my family. It’s a great place to be and the attitude is just so mellow.

  11. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    June 28, 2010 8:40 am

    BQB, cosigning about the Hell of IRR for BW in Atlanta! Me and hubby went there for his cousin’s wedding and the black folk there (especially the men) stared daggers through us!

    Can’t speak of international experiences personally, but one of my best friends from college (BW) is in the Netherlands now and is having a ball, and has a pretty serious Dutch boyfriend who thinks she’s the bee’s knees. She says that people look, but not out of disgust, more of a, “awwww how sweet” look.

    Thanks for the information! You’re always a wealth of it!

    • BlkQueenBee permalink
      June 28, 2010 8:55 am

      Oh, I LOVE me some Dutch people. And Dutch men are just crazy for black women from the States, we are exotic and beautiful to them. They have African black women there, of course, but the American black woman is by far the top prize.

  12. Ali permalink
    June 28, 2010 9:01 am

    Europe is wonderful!! Hurray for France and Switzerland! I hate to say this, but if I were an older (mid 30’s) black woman who wanted to get marries like, tommorow – I’d move to europe – either as part of a company transfer, or a job switch, or a ‘back-to-school thing – like get my advanced degree at University of Dublin. Or Berlin. Or the nordic countries, like sweden, are crazy thristy for black women, because black women rarely go there. Then I’d just bring his white ass back here. Yes, it’s a bit of a cop out but . . . it’s just so much easier.

    To me, IR is not just about acceptance, it’s about seeing a lot of couples ‘like me’ – it’s about it being normalized.

    Since NYC is basically London minus cars, I’m SURE we’ll get there soon – like in 7- 8 years. I’m expecting numbers to leap, cause every girl I know is single.

    • Browncow permalink
      June 28, 2010 10:49 am

      “Then I’d just bring his white ass back here.”

      Okay!!! I’m just ROTFL at this one! Hey maybe you’d want to stay in Europe. They have great family leave.

      • Janice Rhoshalle permalink
        June 28, 2010 3:12 pm

        I agree…once you’ve broadened a few horizons, you might find yourself loving it overseas: better opportunities, better health care, educational advances, etc.

  13. Lisa in NYC permalink
    June 28, 2010 9:53 am

    NYC is live and let live as this goes, although if anyone gives you a problem here, it’s always some black race soldier that wants to dog you under the pretense of “keepin it real”. I’m sure there are people from other races that don’t like it, but they don’t yap at you about it. It’s some BM or BW that just has to say something to you, they just can’t keep their big mouths shut. They have to get in your business.

  14. June 28, 2010 10:06 am

    Interesting article. I think the best place in the world to be as a mixed couple is Eastern Europe. My sister is married to an Hungarian and they live in some village near Budapest. When she arrived there with him, everyone was falling over themselves to get to know her and said she’s so beautiful and her husband is a lucky SOB. The men were particularly too admiring for her hubby and he started fighting with any guy who said hello for longer than 5 mins. LOL. No one has ever asked them about why they chose each other or being rude or racist or anything.

    • Hodan permalink
      June 28, 2010 11:08 am

      So true, European men/society look more @ education and class than race. I know so many beautiful and not so beautiful black women who are married to amazing white guys from all income level. Someone like Michelle Obama’s caliper is very much desirable in European elite circle. There will always be racism, but that’s not the measure many of them judge on blacks and other minorities. You’ll find more bigotry towards Muslim women who choice to wear the head scarf than anyone’s skin color.

    • Janice Rhoshalle permalink
      June 28, 2010 3:13 pm

      Hmmm…maybe I need to take a vacay to Eastern Europe!

  15. Ali permalink
    June 28, 2010 10:25 am

    So true – it’s interesting what you said Bunny and Lisa, and it got me thinking. This prob. belongs under another post, but I have a cousin who says NYC is bad for bw/wm interracial dating! NYC! The reason is, she’s never been asked out by a white guy. When I tell her I have, lots of times, she says – oh, you’ve just been lucky . . . . .

    What I’ve failed to mention is this – she’s nearly 250 POUNDS! And yet that doesn’t occur to her that that’s the problem. She blames her lack of interracial dates on her race – she says it’s because white guys are racist! I actually read an essay about this on slate.com – a black woman, embarrassingly, after the john mayer thing, going on and on about how white men don’t ask her out, and how white men are so racist. A few black women commented like ‘really? I have no prob. meeting guys. . . .’

    Well, finally one of the commentors clicked on her picture – and came back and said, rather nicely – ‘well perhaps you don’t have the look. . . .’ I was offended until I went to her picture and clicked – SHE WAS OBESE! Are you kidding me? You write a big articule for a big online magazine about how ‘unwanted’ black women are, accuse everyone of racism for not ‘chasing’ you, and you’re huge! I don’t mean to be offensive at all, I truly do think black women are beautiful at every size – from Queen Latifah to Zoe Salada. But I know white women who are half these women’s sizes, and they don’t get dates! I know a very sweet white girl who hasn’t dated in YEARS. The only thing is, non-black women can’t blame it on their race. . . . . they know why.

    I’m not saying racism doens’t exist, but a lot of black women are walking around thinking – ‘wm don’t like black women’ because it’s easier than dealing with their weight/apperance issues.

    • Mel permalink
      June 28, 2010 6:30 pm

      Ali, I’m a black woman living in the DC area with an athletic body type, and don’t get asked out by white men. So sometimes it has nothing to do with body type.

  16. caridad permalink
    June 28, 2010 10:31 am

    Cities in Miami Dade County and (parts of) Broward county in Florida are good places for IRR couple (BW-WM). Both me and my husband grew up here and so far with our marriage…no problems. The rest of Florida, however, is up for debate because i know that Florida ranks high on the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Hate Map.

    • Janice Rhoshalle permalink
      June 28, 2010 3:18 pm

      Indeed there are certain cities in California that rank high on the list too. I visited the Museum of Tolerance a few years ago which also had a hate map that was similarly shocking. Unfortunately there are still cities that have a preponderance of hate groups within certain states, but they also have cities that are favorable to the interracial and intercultural. Those are the one’s we’d like to celebrate. Maybe we could even start a movement to support those cities with our tourism dollars. The power of the swirl at work!

    • Becca permalink
      June 28, 2010 3:26 pm

      Dang! That’s just another reason why I need to get the heck out of Florida.

      As of this point in my life, I really can’t name any places that are best or worst to have an IRR. I know that my hometown of Jacksonville, FL is probably not one of the best places.

  17. Lisa in NYC permalink
    June 28, 2010 10:52 am

    @Ali –

    I have to say that the chances of any 250-pound woman (no matter what race she is) being able to attract a desireable man (that is, a man that most women would find attractive) in NYC are almost non-existent.

    That is simply fact. There are way too many other choices here, so most men are not going to consider a woman that overweight.

  18. Hodan permalink
    June 28, 2010 11:03 am

    I would also give props to my city, Toronto Canada as a great place for interracial/multicultural relationships. Mostly though Pacific or South Asian women with white men. Its rare to see black women with white men, but recently you see more black girls in their teens and 20s who dating white guys.

    I’m surprised New Orleans, a city where majority of its residence have a black or white member in their family would have issue with interracial dating. Heck, most southerners are mixed somehow whether its via slavery or not.

    Another thing I would also point out, the more black educated women broaden their dating pool by seeking what makes them happy and who is best for their future, the better success with their future. Also, leading a healthy life style, where you are not obese is important in our mainstream culture. No qualified attractive guy regardless of race would ask out a woman who does not take care of herself well.

  19. kaikou permalink
    June 28, 2010 12:12 pm

    Speaking about my time in AZ: I having been seeing many bm/ww couples lately. But I do see bw/wm couples as well, just in different “unexpected places”. Arizona itself has pockets of acceptance/non acceptance. It’s more if you seek out people who will be against you, you can find them. The state is growing and needs people, who will challenge perceived norms by their existence.

  20. Ali permalink
    June 28, 2010 12:34 pm

    I know Hodan and Lisa, and I agree with you – but it also does seem a bit unfair. I’m extremly active, but even when sluggish, I’m small. I wish white men in NYC had a wider (no pun intended) range of what they considered beautiful. To be fair – my cousin is beautiful, smart, articulate, groovy, and wears the latest styles! Me, not so much. Non-black men here in NYC are obssessed with thinness! anyway, that’s for another post.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 28, 2010 2:41 pm

      On thinness–we’ll be talking about that this week. Should be interesting. I have some theories on this that I want to bounce off you guys.

  21. rafikichick92 permalink
    June 28, 2010 12:45 pm

    I’m in ATL, and I don’t think it’s a bad place for IR. Granted I live in the suburbs, lol. I will say, there is a particular Wendy’s where I live that seems to attract WW who can’t fathom the idea of an IR relationship. But other than that, people don’t give us a second glance. They really don’t. No one has ever said anything other than “you are a cute couple”. The worst they do is stare. I pretend they are staring at our flyness, lol.

    • Browncow permalink
      June 28, 2010 3:09 pm

      I think it may be that these WW at Wendy’s can fathom the idea of an IR for YOU. Some, but definitely not all WW think that if you as a BW can attract a quality WM then the world has turned upside down because she is the one who is supposed to command that degree of attention from men. Not you. I’ve had a couple of WW look at me like I stole their kitten or worse because my husband is good looking and very clean cut. I’m clean cut too, but they don’t see that. They wonder what is this great looking guy with blond hair (he’s since shaved it off for convenience) doing with that BW? I can see it in their eyes. Anyways, so glad you’ve dodged those “bullets” in ATL.

  22. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    June 28, 2010 2:47 pm

    Hodan :

    talk about black women destroying themselves. So, they snicker @ you married in a happy and stable relationship, but don’t see their situation where black men used them as a dumping seed pathetic?

    black men whether they are dating black women/white women/etc continue their pattern of cowardly behavior impregnating women and leaving them to raise children on their own….then these same kids grow up terrorizing our neighborhoods. Its like in another blog I was reading, apparently even many Muslim African American men marry women just to sleep with them then divorce them and leave their children behind.

    Yes, I thought the same thing. That’s why I just smiled to myself about it.

  23. Bunny77 permalink
    June 28, 2010 3:08 pm

    I’m not saying racism doens’t exist, but a lot of black women are walking around thinking – ‘wm don’t like black women’ because it’s easier than dealing with their weight/apperance issues.

    You know, this has been discussed in other places as well. I know black women of all sizes in very happy and healthy IR relationships, but I find that WM (don’t have experiences with other non-black men) are pretty particular about weight. I too wonder sometimes when BW swear that WM in a certain city/state never look at them if its an issue of race or if those particular WM aren’t looking at HER for another reason.

    I can’t wait to read that thread!

  24. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    June 28, 2010 4:07 pm

    Bunny77 :

    I’m not saying racism doens’t exist, but a lot of black women are walking around thinking – ‘wm don’t like black women’ because it’s easier than dealing with their weight/apperance issues.

    You know, this has been discussed in other places as well. I know black women of all sizes in very happy and healthy IR relationships, but I find that WM (don’t have experiences with other non-black men) are pretty particular about weight. I too wonder sometimes when BW swear that WM in a certain city/state never look at them if its an issue of race or if those particular WM aren’t looking at HER for another reason.

    I can’t wait to read that thread!

    I’m thinking of working on it tonight for a discussion tomorrow. Stay tuned!

  25. MadamCJCPA permalink
    June 28, 2010 4:17 pm

    Hodan :</strongI’m surprised New Orleans, a city where majority of its residence have a black or white member in their family would have issue with interracial dating. Heck, most southerners are mixed somehow whether its via slavery or not.

    I can definitely co-sign onto this statement. My paternal grandmother was a born and bred Cajun, but when she married a black man she left Louisiana in a hurry and moved up North.

    My boyfriend is from GA and we lived in Atlanta for seven years together and I can definitely say that we did have to deal with the occassional ignorant comments. Unfortunately, I must say that they did come black people (women in particular); however, I have a very strong personality (type A) and while my boyfriend was a little nervous in some places I would shoot daggers with my eyes and tell a few individuals off. I almost got into a fight with this chick at the Greyhound station as we were waiting to see my father off. Once they realized that I wasn’t going to be shamed or embarrassed for my choice; in addition to pointing out their hypocrisies they left us alone. Now, that we’re living up North in MY sweet hometown of Chicago, no problems what so ever. I see quite a few black women/white men and other non-black male pairings here, but then again Chicago is the NYC of the Midwest or so us Chicagoans like to think.

  26. MadamCJCPA permalink
    June 28, 2010 4:38 pm

    Hodan :I’m surprised New Orleans, a city where majority of its residence have a black or white member in their family would have issue with interracial dating. Heck, most southerners are mixed somehow whether its via slavery or not.

    Okay so I typed out this really long reply and somehow it disappeared so here it is AGAIN.

    My paternal grandmother was a Cajun and the moment she married her husband (a black man) she picked up and moved up North from Louisiana. Obviously, this was way back when interracial relationships between black/white wasn’t tolerated of any kind, but you would be surprised how deeply Southern prejudices run.

    My boyfriend is from GA and we lived in Atlanta together for seven years. Unfortunately, we did have to deal with the occassional ignorant comments and I hate to admit it, but they usually imminated from black people (black women more often than not) and I would have to tell them off. My boyfriend still likes to point out how I almost got into a fight with this chick at the Greyhound bus station in downtown Atlanta while we were waiting to see my father off. I have a very strong personality (type A) and I hate to say this, but many of those ghetto militant (keeping it real) types like to think just because I wasn’t raised in the ghetto I won’t make a scene they learn real quick that I will “go there.”

    Now that we are living up North in my sweet hometown of Chicago we have no problems what so ever. I see quite a few interracial couple pairings of black women/white men and other non-black males; far more than I ever saw in Atlanta.

  27. MadamCJCPA permalink
    June 28, 2010 4:51 pm

    One other thing on interracial couples and location my two half-sisters (by my father’s third wife) are both married in interracial relationships. One is married with five kids to an Asian man; his family is from Thailand. The other one just got married last year to a white man. They both live in and around the Denver/Colorado Springs area.

    Unfortunately, due to my father’s need to switch wives about as much as he switches cars, I’m not very close to my sisters or any of my other half-siblings that my father produced in his various relationships other than my two younger brothers that he had with my mother.

  28. Mel permalink
    June 28, 2010 7:47 pm

    I wasn’t sure where to post this, but can you also talk about white men who look a certain way tend to date or not date black women. In my experience, the white men abercrombie and fitch looking white boy) that I tend to find attractive, I never see with black women. Why is that? Have you noticed it too? I don’t like saying this, but like some say with black men and white women, do you think the majority of white men that are open to dating black women are white men that white women don’t find attractive in the first place?

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 28, 2010 7:59 pm

      I like abercrombie men myself, but my guy is more JCrew-ish. Mel, I think that you’ll find the attractiveness of WM who love BM will rage the gamut from gaawwgeous to dorky. I know a few BW with husbands so fine I can’t even look at them to long for fear I might sweat my clothes clean off my body.

      • Browncow permalink
        June 28, 2010 8:26 pm

        I agree. I think I said earlier that some WW look at me like they want me to burst into flames because my husband is a nice looking guy. I see BW with men who are so beautiful that you just can’t stand it and you’re just happy that a sister has him. I like the abercrombie type guys, but I’m more into computer IT specialist guy. Really smart and good looking, but doesn’t really know it. You’ll find like in all relationships, the pairings run the gamut like Christelyn said. You’ll find some guys that you’re going, “how did you pull this woman?” to “oh my God, he is FOINE!!!”. It just isn’t the guys WW don’t want. Believe me.

  29. June 28, 2010 8:32 pm

    sighs, ok, I need to move to find my abercrombie. lol.

    • Browncow permalink
      June 29, 2010 7:04 am

      Two words…internet dating. Also, flirt your butt off.

  30. Elaine permalink
    June 29, 2010 7:34 am

    I agree with Bunny77. I wouldn’t pay much attention to this so-called “best place to . . . date”. I do think that some places inhibit women from interracially or dating period by not offering a multitude of events in which you can meet men of different cultures. I myself shocked that New Orleans is on the list because it a melting pot of different cultures.

  31. Ebony permalink
    June 29, 2010 8:08 pm

    I soooo agree with Europe being on the top of the list. I met my fiance, who is German, in 2005 while I was stationed in Germany. Im out of the military an have been for 3yrs. He gave up everything to move back to the states with me. We now live in Philly. The reactions we recieve vary, depending on the neighborhood. When we go in town ppl may glance but nothing major. If we go in the lower income communities, to visit my family, the ppl can get really unpredictable. We thought about relocating to Orlando, but it is just a thought.

  32. mmeetoilenoir permalink
    June 30, 2010 10:48 pm

    Alright, ladies…I need some pointers on finding some wonderful guys from the Netherlands or Australia in Chicago. I had great luck in NYC (I dated the world there, LOL), but I’m new in IL, and I don’t know where to start! Does anyone have any advice?

  33. Eugenia permalink
    July 1, 2010 5:57 pm

    I live in Seattle, it’s great. It’s pretty much great for every kind of interracial relationship under the sun. My ex-husband was white, my fiancee is white. My little brother is married to a white woman. I’ve seen every possible combo of interracial relationship in this city ever including, black/asian, white/asian, black/white, asian/hispanic, hispanic/black, white/hispanic, Pacific Islander and all the other races…It just goes all over the place. I also love Portland and San Francisco but I really love this city.

  34. Poll Fab permalink
    July 4, 2010 10:24 am

    I agree with Eugenia. I live in Seattle (where 1 in 6 kids born is biracial) and have never had anyone look at me sideways. I’ve seen every type/variety of couple on the street. A few years ago I was in the Queen Anne neighborhood with my husband (who is white) and we stopped in Trader Joe’s. There were 4 other wm/bf couple in there. When we got to the register, I locked eyes with one of the coupled up women and we just cracked up.

    • Christelyn permalink*
      July 4, 2010 10:36 am

      I can totally picture that scene! hahaha

    • Eugenia permalink
      July 5, 2010 10:53 pm

      Isn’t it great Poll Fab, there’s so many interracial couples we’re everywhere. I live in the Central District and it’s just not a shock when you see interracial couple, it’s old news here.

  35. Amanda permalink
    July 4, 2010 1:22 pm

    I don’t know about the best place to date for an IR couple. But I must say we are 20mintues outside of Detroit, visit Detroit often, and no problems here at all. In our area of the burbs we have all types of multiracial couples and families. We just went to fireworks last week, I was so happy to see so many IR couples and their kids! Love it!

    • Christelyn permalink*
      July 5, 2010 6:45 am

      That sounds like a great time; I wonder why Detroit is getting such a IRR bad rap?

  36. Jeff permalink
    July 5, 2010 1:32 pm

    Anywhere there is a military base is usually friendly, because the military has become quite integrated. I never had trouble in San Antonio or Panama City, FL, because a base was nearby. I now live in Orlando. Not too bad. I am from Williamsburg VA, and we like visiting there too. I hate to say this, but Hilton Head Island SC is not too good for swirling. My wife is treated like she works at some of the shops she visits. Same thing with Charleston SC. Although HHI now has more black couples visiting so I am hoping that will change.

    • Christelyn permalink*
      July 5, 2010 2:58 pm

      Thats for telling up about Hilton Head. Here that everybody? Might want to stay away! It’s nice to see men in here! Thanks for visiting.

  37. Jeff permalink
    July 5, 2010 1:33 pm

    Anywhere there is a military base is usually friendly, because the military has become quite integrated. I never had trouble in San Antonio or Panama City, FL, because a base was nearby. I now live in Orlando. Not too bad. I am from Williamsburg VA, and we like visiting there too. I hate to say this, but Hilton Head Island SC is not too good for swirling. My wife is treated like she works at some of the shops she visits. Same thing with Charleston SC. Although HHI now has more black couples visiting so I am hoping that will change. thanks

  38. Violet permalink
    July 6, 2010 4:17 pm

    I just moved to Baltimore from Seattle (don’t even ask!) and there are a whole bunch of low-life brothas here, trying to get your attention in their special, special way. I’m not seeing anywhere here yet, but it seems like it could be a little rocky.

    • Eugenia permalink
      July 6, 2010 8:22 pm

      Baltimore, oh. Good luck, Violet you’ll find a nice one, they exist everywhere some places it’s harder to find them than others.

  39. SBelle permalink
    July 11, 2010 10:19 am

    Hi y’all, from TX! I love this forum, so much great information! I would like to talk about a few places I’ve been to and reactions to myself, a black woman, and my white ex-husband.
    I would have to agree with the statement about military bases. I grew up as a military brat, and IRRs are not a big deal near military bases! Military bases are filled with IR marriages/couples and biracial kids. IRRs are so common there that the people are used to it and don’t really notice it, though there are a few people there who are not military and might give you a glance, but nothing too obvious.
    After my dad retired from the Army, we moved to Irving, TX, which was totally different from Fort Hood! In North Texas (Dallas/Fort Worth metro), racism is very much alive and IR couples are in everyone’s crosshairs! When I was in college, IR dating was still a challenge because even though the students were a little more open-minded, the community around the college was still very racist making IR dating uncomfortable and almost impossible.
    In this area, DFW, people seem more tolerant towards WM/Hispanic female or Asian female couples, and you see more BM/WF relationships than BW/WM (sparse). My ex-husband and I had a terrible time in DFW! My ex and I were up against tremendous negativity regarding our relationship. Every time we went anywhere it was like going into the battlefield and added so much stress to our already stressful lives. While out in DFW we had the n-word dropped, had people blurt out loud racist jokes, and we were even spit on at the movies. Much of the racism here comes from whites and hispanics (mainly the hispanics who are trying to assimilate with the white racist/neo-confederate culture). Blacks may give you a dirty look, but they leave alone, of course you do get the occasional radical, angry black woman/man, but I’ve never had them say/do anything to me, just roll their eyes or snicker.
    When we visited my ex’s hometown, near Minneapolis, MN, everyone was welcoming and didn’t stare at us. Also, when we visited Austin, TX (hippie central) people didn’t give us a hard time. In Austin you even saw gay couples walking around holding hands without people hassling them. Surprisingly, we received terrible stares in Las Vegas. I really expected a different reaction in Vegas since soooo many people visit there. We went to New Orleans for a wedding and the only thing I can complain about was the humidity! No one bothered us in New Orleans and we actually had a great time there. I visited Des Moines, IA with one of my ex-boyfriends, who was white, and people were extremely friendly there and didn’t stare or give us dirty looks. I’m sorry I couldn’t offer any info. about overseas IR dating :-/
    For the issue about weight, I think it’s true for all men, not just white men, that they prefer thinner women. However, I think that there are men in every race who wouldn’t mind a larger woman, as long as she takes care of herself and has pride in her appearance. Hopefully some more guys will reply to that comment b/c it’s always nice to have a male perspective on such topics.
    One more thing, I would like to agree with the statement about location helping/hindering an IRR. I think it’s important to have your relationship and raise biracial children in a more accepting area and not someplace that’s going to be stressful. I have dated black and white men and I prefer white men, and am currently relocating out of the South so that I can enjoy my next relationship without being afraid to go someplace with him or hold his hand. IRRs are beautiful & I can’t wait to get remarried, have some cute beige babies and add to the “tanning of America.” :o)

    • Christelyn permalink*
      July 13, 2010 4:44 pm

      SBelle, I see you wrote this post a few days ago, and I don’t want anyone to miss it. The reason why you are just getting this response is because we have moved…our new home is http://www.beyondblackwhite.com. Cut and paste your comment, and join us!

  40. SBelle permalink
    July 11, 2010 10:23 am

    Wow, sorry I wrote so much 🙂

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