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An Announcement!

June 10, 2010

After careful consideration–which includes (but not limited to) nail and toe biting, self-medication, nervous ticks, and a moderate case of trichotillomania–I have made a monumental and possibly life-altering decision.  I have passed my embryo of a book to superstar-go-getter agent, Regina Brooks of the Serendipity Literary Agency.  She has this crazy idea that The Black Woman’s Guide to Interracial & Intercultural Relationships could actually sell a lot of books!

Regina Brooks, Serendipity Literary Agency

So here’s praying to God/Buddha/Allah/Mother Earth/Elvis/and Michael Jackson that she’s right!  And by the way, don’t get too used to the book title–it’s a mouthful, and we are still working on a shorter title that gets the point across.  Suggestions are welcomed, but not necessarily taken seriously.

Cheers!

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31 Comments leave one →
  1. Stellas permalink
    June 10, 2010 1:47 pm

    Your work may just save some lives. Don’t downplay the importance such a book.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 10, 2010 1:49 pm

      Wow…thanks.

  2. lafemmenoir permalink
    June 10, 2010 2:34 pm

    Congrats! I hope that you get published quickly!

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 10, 2010 3:07 pm

      From your lips to God’s ears!

  3. zoriansmom permalink
    June 10, 2010 3:13 pm

    Congradulations to you and good luck! In light of the Slim Thug controversy you might have a lot of black women jumping on board.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 10, 2010 3:21 pm

      Thanks, and remember, you’re on my list of profile couples, so get ready!

  4. June 10, 2010 4:14 pm

    Congrats girl!!

    I agree with Stella. For every Steve Harvey, we need five of you, CW, Khadija and Halima and Karyn!

    You guys need to band together and travel the world 🙂

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 10, 2010 4:26 pm

      Wow, Selena! What an honor to be associated with those women. Big thanks!

  5. nikki7 permalink
    June 10, 2010 7:42 pm

    Congratulations!!! Anxiously awaiting my own autographed copy!!! Hugs……..

  6. Browncow permalink
    June 10, 2010 9:00 pm

    Awesome! Congratulations! I will certainly be buying a copy even though I’m already happily situated myself. I agree with Stella and Selena. We need more women like you. I’m no writer so you won’t be getting a book from me, but I’ll be glad to read yours.

  7. Ali permalink
    June 11, 2010 4:08 am

    This book could indeed save lives. Here are a bunch of tips I would have LOVED to have known – I KNOW you didn’t ask for them and prob. don’t need them, but please feel free to steal any and all.

    -Find a great matchmaker –

    http://www.colorblindintl.com/about.html in Atlanta,

    Or a interracial dating event –

    http://flavortribe.com/ in chicago

    -When dating online, check the box that says WHITE MEN ONLY (if that’s what you really want). There’s a strong perception that black women prefer black men, so if you say ‘open to all’ you’ll get a lot less than if you’re specific. You’ll get hate mail from black men, but you’ll DOUBLE the amount of mail from white. You have a right to your preferences.

    -Travel to a diff. country or live abroad for a year – try a website like black girl travel.com, or just grab a girlfriend and go to Tokyo, Rome, Sydney, Rio de Janioro for minimum of three weeks. (NOT the Caribbean or Jamaica). Spring for first class – this is a must – you might find yourself ‘stuck’ next to a handsome French Businessman on a 12 hour flight, so look presentable.

    -Start black girls dating interracially YOUNG. This is a big one. Don’t wait until you’re 45 and you can’t find a good black man . . . . . . . I hate to say it, but to counteract the black community brainwashing, young black women should be encouraged to date outside the race in their teen and college years.

    -Stop worrying about ‘preserving the race’ or ‘saving the race’. A: It’s not your job. B: There’s this continent called Africa teeming with black people. The world is not running out of black people, if anything it’s running out of white people (if you even look at the world this way, and you shouldn’t).

    -Don’t focus so much on dating as in making FRIENDS. So many black women go only to black events, church, and hang out only with other black people. Every black women should have two or three non-black platonic MALE friends. Just to get comfortable hanging out with men of diff. races in a no pressure situation. Walking around with a white guy who’s a pal, especially if he’s handsome, will also GREATLY increase the amount of white men that hit on you – subtly, you’re letting the world know that you’re open to dating non-black men.

    -Buy a copy of The Rules – people crack on it, but there are some very good tips in there. At the very least, follow those tips and you’ll never look desperate, and you’ll keep your standards high.

    -Don’t be sidetracked by white feminists. White women will say – ‘Need a man like a fish needs a bicycle’ because they think it sounds glamorous and freesprited. But notice what they DO – they make sure they get a husband. Notice that the Gloria Steinem phony got married to a rich white guy in the end. Don’t confuse the white woman’s situation in America with yours as a black woman. Don’t believe that white feminists have YOUR best interests, as a black woman who wishes to be married and have a family, at heart. Do you really think white woman want to see black women marry white men? No. They have enough trouble with Asians and Latinas. So don’t get caught up in the ‘I don’t need no man’ crap. It’s OKAY and NORMAL to want to be married. And in general look at what people DO, not what they say.

    -This is a big giant one – black men and white men flirt very differently. White men are much less aggressive and much more subtle – and no, it’s not because you’re ‘black’. That’s just how they are. I went through much of my life not even realizing that white guys were hitting on me. I was so used to the horrible aggressive street harassment approach. It took a good black girlfriend to gently point out – ‘so and so is crazy about you. Why won’t you give him a chance?’. I was baffled – I didn’t even know he was interested! This happens a lot.

    -White men don’t care about how light or dark you are, and they don’t care about your hair. So forget all that crap. Your BMI however. . . . . . getting in shape will GREATLY increase your dating pool.

    Poss. Titles –

    Get Yours! The Black Women’s complete guide to dating and marrying outside the Race
    or
    Wake Up Dummy! The Black Women’s complete guide to dating and marrying outside the Race
    Or
    Free Your Mind – The Black Women’s complete guide to interracial dating and marriage

    Whew! Congrats! Can’t wait to read it!

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 11, 2010 8:02 am

      Wow Ali! Have you swiped a look at my proposal, because you hit EVERYTHING. But…there’s still more and it will have topics and advice that I have yet seen in other books in the genre.

      But thanks for confirming that I’m going in the right direction. I like those titles too. Oh! Here’s another, what do you think: The Sister’s Guide to Dating Out. Huh? Huh?

  8. MadamCJCPA permalink
    June 11, 2010 8:39 am

    Ali :-Buy a copy of The Rules – people crack on it, but there are some very good tips in there. At the very least, follow those tips and you’ll never look desperate, and you’ll keep your standards high.

    OMG Ali, I have this book plus the follow-up “The Rules II” and I have suggested it to my girlfriends for years and they all turned their noses up to it, but it really does have good advice in it. I’m so happy to know I’m not the only black “Rules” girl. I too loved your advice!

    Christielyn congratulations and I can’t wait to read your book. I’ve got a Kindle so don’t forget to make your book digital for us e-book reader aficionados.

  9. Ali permalink
    June 11, 2010 10:05 am

    Hey Hey Madam Rules girl! Yes, people hate this book so I tend to keep silent about it. They seem to believe it tells you to be fake. That’s not what I got from it at all. A lot of women tend to spill everything and put all their buisness out there before they know the guy. They forget that the guy is supposed to be proving himself to you, not the other way around!

    Don’t be phony, but hold back a little bit, let the guy win you. All the ‘strong woman’ stuff works great for the boardroom, but not for relationships. Being QUIET, you can actually control the dynamic MORE – play a guy like a violin – at lot of women don’t realize that. That’s what the Asian girls know, and that’s why a lot of men chasing them right now.

    • MadamCJCPA permalink
      June 11, 2010 11:05 am

      Exactly, men like mystery and a challenge. “The Rules” just reinforces that notion of quiet feminity that many women have lost.

      • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
        June 11, 2010 11:10 am

        Not supposed to be on here right now so I’m engaging in virtual whispering. But yes; when I was dating, I slept with The Rules under my pillow. 🙂

  10. Marie permalink
    June 11, 2010 4:45 pm

    I, too, will be buying your book when it comes out, even though I’m already hooked up. I have younger sisters who don’t really seem to “get it”, and I think they could benefit from your insights. I’m not saying they necessarily need to date out, but at least one of them (the youngest..21, thinks she knows errrything, but doesn’t) needs to realize that there is more to a relationship than rock-hard…abs and a criminal history.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 11, 2010 4:58 pm

      Thanks…only 100,352 more to go! lol Yes, we do need to get to the young girls early. It’s not to say that older women couldn’t benefit, because I know MANY BW “of a certain age” who are interested in IRR but don’t have a clue how to start, where to look, or what to do.

  11. June 12, 2010 11:57 am

    My vote is for “Wake Up Dummy… “. Lol.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 12, 2010 12:02 pm

      LOL! I almost spit out my coffee when I read that! HAHAHHAHA!

  12. June 12, 2010 11:58 am

    Possible suggestion: Beyond Black: The Black Woman’s Guide to Interracial & Intercultural Relationships

  13. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    June 12, 2010 12:03 pm

    Kay :

    Possible suggestion: Beyond Black: The Black Woman’s Guide to Interracial & Intercultural Relationships

    Try saying that three times fast.

  14. Barb permalink
    June 12, 2010 6:01 pm

    Let me know when the book comes out. I really WANT your book.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 12, 2010 6:29 pm

      The agent is shopping it around to the big publishing houses, so we’ll just have to wait and see. But trust me, EVERYONE will know when it’s ready to go! And, thank you so much for your interested.

  15. June 12, 2010 10:35 pm

    Ali :
    -This is a big giant one – black men and white men flirt very differently. White men are much less aggressive and much more subtle – and no, it’s not because you’re ‘black’. That’s just how they are. I went through much of my life not even realizing that white guys were hitting on me. I was so used to the horrible aggressive street harassment approach. It took a good black girlfriend to gently point out – ‘so and so is crazy about you. Why won’t you give him a chance?’. I was baffled – I didn’t even know he was interested! This happens a lot.
    -White men don’t care about how light or dark you are, and they don’t care about your hair. So forget all that crap. Your BMI however. . . . . . getting in shape will GREATLY increase your dating pool.

    Emphasis above is mine, not Ali’s.

    I have been a member of what in most ways is a wonderful forum in support of Black Women. Virtually all the BW there are open to IR. Home free, you might think. Well…

    I built up a great reputation there, then put some effort into presenting two points. (1) Ali’s point about WM flirting style, and (2) the point that since BW have an existential need, and most WM just have a notion, BW will need to put in some disproportionate effort at the IR bottleneck, namely getting those initial dates. This is the bottleneck because WM have no trouble being attracted to BW, and no trouble committing to BW in a relationship, but lots of difficulty daring to try IR, hence the choke point at getting initial dates.

    Point (1) was simply disbelieved, and point (2) was taken to be unfair and insulting. I have practically burned out my welcome there. I am considered to be a WM apologist.

    A lot of effort has been put forth by BWIR/Empowerment bloggers and writers on why BWIR is needed, and the effort is bearing fruit. But surprisingly, to me anyways, the how of BWIR apparently is going to require just as much effort to overcome BW’s resistance.

    — Aaby

  16. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    June 12, 2010 11:39 pm

    Well, well, well. Aaby, welcome to the party.

  17. Ali permalink
    June 13, 2010 4:56 am

    So glad you agree Aaby – I get in trouble when I say this too, and I’m a black woman. All these women who have been going on tv shouting ‘black love, strong black man, the black family’ have made it harder on people like me, who have never felt this mysterious connection to strange black men. Obviously I love my family members, but some stranger on the street who happens to have dark skin? I don’t get it. But unfortunately those nutty women have been all over the media shouting their undying loyalty to black men for years. Everyone seems to believe they speak for all of us.

    I truly believe that most white guys think that most black women are not interested in them, and that makes the flirting process much harder for black women who want to step out. Even though I’m more objectively attractive than most women (so I’ve been told many times, don’t shoot the messenger!) I have to flirt and put myself out there – I mean flirt in a way with white guys that, if I interacted with black men that way, would get me dragged off into an alley and raped. I mean black men take five seconds of EYE CONTACT from a stranger on the street as license to approach and sexually harass you. The safest way to interact with a young black man is avoid eye contact, glare at them, and walk fast, if you value your safety.

    With a white guy, it’s the exact opposite – be warm and friendly, smile, they don’t bite. It’s DAMNED difficult to switch back and forth, walking around in NYC. It’s so frustrating to get hit on a HUNDRED times a day by gangbangers and hip hop types, when the people who you actually WANT to approach you don’t. I’ve got a degrees in humanities, for Christ’s sakes, I speak two languages, I don’t want to date lil’ wayne. I want a nice Jewish guy, or a nice Asian guy, or someone who reads literature and philosophy and acts like a normal human being. I see guys on the street everyday I’d love to meet – some with white/Asian girlfriends who frankly, are much less attractive. But what can you do? What can you do? SO FRUSTRATING.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 13, 2010 6:37 am

      Interesting enough Ali, I’ll be covering this issue in GREAT detail in the book. I’m bringing in some big guns to give advice on this topic. Funny, the more posts I read about this subject, the more confirmation I get that this type of book is needed by so many black women.

  18. Ali permalink
    June 13, 2010 3:16 pm

    Hmmm – can’t wait fr this to hit stores – I’m really getting into this – how about – Get Your Swirl On: The black women’s guide to interracial dating?

    I tend to shy away (this is my personal thing) from any cover that says ‘sista’ on it. i automatically think – is this ghetto steve harvey thing? Or a Hill Harper type ‘letter to the sistas?’ – I’m so used to seeing negative, ghetto type books that deman black women with ‘sista’ in the title. But that’s just me.

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 13, 2010 3:23 pm

      Thanks for the feedback about the “sistas”‘ reference–you brought up something interesting for me to consider. Don’t want to turn anyone off of the message just because the title made them feel some kinda way! 🙂

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