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Why are we fighting?

May 28, 2010

I must admit, I’m a terrible street fighter.  Which is probably why, in my early twenties, someone used their fist as a meat tenderizer on my face.

The setup had been executed beautifully–probably because at the time, I was terribly naive and  had even worse taste in friends.  I was ambushed, unawares, by an angry baby mama who was none-to-happy about her man’s interest in me.  Never mind that said man (let’s call him (Tyrone) had never told me about said woman (I hereby anoint her Boom Qui Qui).  Details, schmetails.

Of course, Tyrone was quite clever in keeping up with this duplicity, but Boom Qui Qui proved more wily.  So with the help of Tyrone’s sister (of all people!), Boom Qui Qui took all her frustrations over Tyrone out on my face.  I’ll never forget how pretty the sky looked on that Pasadena afternoon just before Boom Qui Qui shoved her fist in my eye.   Last thing I remember her saying was something like…”Bitch. (punch!) If. (smack!), You. (whack!), Ever…”  I blacked out after that last thing.

As I gather information and research for The Black Woman’s Guide to Interracial & Intercultural Relationships, looking back, I can sort of understand why Boom-Q-Q was so desperate to hang on to Tyrone.  We outnumber black men by two million!  Ninety-five percent of us are engaged in a knock down, drag out fight for the five percent of eligible black men.  That means that woman who beat me senseless must have felt so desperate to hang on to her man, and powerless and unwilling to loose him,  she lashed out at me.  Think about that for a moment–she attacked me, not him.  The lopsided ratio favoring black men put them in a powerful position, and leaves the field wide open for us women to be played like fiddles at a country fair.

Oh! And in case you’re wondering, and I happily let Boom Qui Qui have that sorry sack of shite.

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. May 28, 2010 7:04 pm

    Christelyn, you are crazy for that. Bon Qui Qui, huh? I love this post.

  2. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    May 28, 2010 7:24 pm

    I can laugh about it now, but I was hiding in the house for about a week afterward!

  3. May 28, 2010 11:53 pm

    I am always amazed that the women of the cheating men always attack the women and not their men. Maybe I can be too logical but a good relationship is only as strong as the two people that are in the relationship.

  4. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    May 29, 2010 2:14 am

    HarleyQ, I totally agree. Sometimes I believe these women lash out at the women because they know they are powerless in their unhealthy relationships, and are willing to hold on despite all costs. The best they can do is fight off the competition as best they can. But they loose every time.

  5. NiQ permalink
    May 29, 2010 8:09 am

    Ha…I always use the name BoneQuisha lol, I’m Nicole lol.

  6. randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
    May 29, 2010 8:21 am

    Thanks for visiting, Nicole! Welcome!

  7. May 29, 2010 4:31 pm

    …I would wager after fighting every chick on the block, BonQuiQui STILL does not have Tyrone’s loyalty! (And more than likely, not much else…)

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      May 30, 2010 5:48 pm

      CW, I’d bet my house on it!

  8. June 2, 2010 8:15 pm

    Lord have mercy. Christelyn,, thank God you weren’t permanently harmed. I haven’t forgotten about Shontae Blanche, who was killed when a crowd of grown, African-American women fought over the affections of a BM (convict, if I remember correctly).

    http://articles.latimes.com/2007/nov/07/local/me-runover7

    {still shaking my head}

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 2, 2010 8:22 pm

      Khadija!!!! My girl! So, so glad you came to visit the blog. I loved your book, read it twice. My daughters will be reading it too.

      No, the wounds healed, but it taught me a good lesson. Off to read the article about Shontae Blanche.

      Thanks for visiting…love what you do!

    • randomthoughtsfromcali permalink*
      June 2, 2010 8:39 pm

      Also wanted to add, Khadija, that this fighting over men who have no interest in being husbands and fathers speaks volumes about the state of BWBM relations. The power is completely in the favor of BM, and they know it, and many exploit it. And some of us go along at our own peril.

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